By The Blood Of Christ You Are Clean (Forgiven)

I remember when my biggest fear was my children not wearing their helmets when riding their bikes. Now that they're older the worries have become so much more life changing in terms of my children. For instance, I worry about them drinking and driving, I worry about them experimenting with chemical drugs, I worry about them getting hurt by the hands of someone evil. Those are good worries if I say so myself. Those are worries and fears that every parent in the United States has for their adult or "soon to become adult" children. Am I wrong?!? Nah...I think I'm pretty close to hitting the nail on the head.

But here's the deal...All those worries I just spoke of above are 100% out of my control. Not one of them can I do for my child. I can only hope and pray that while raising our children we were able to be examples to our children not to do those things. That is one thing you, yourself have control of....the way you behave and the things you speak. Our children are always watching Mike and I. They will either mock our parenting behavior or they will rebel against it.

That's why we all need God to be our Guide in life. Parents can't raise a child on their own, we aren't supposed to. We are called to surrender our children to God, and rely on God for guidance to raise decent human beings. But parents and people are not perfect, not even close. Every single one of us has flaws and are sinners, but God loves us anyway! (How cool is that!)

Life is so hard and Jesus is asking us to let Him into our hearts to help us make life easier.  Because love is so much easier than hate. Hate takes energy away from what's really important. I couldn't make my children surrender their hearts over to Jesus anymore than I could make my next door neighbor. It is a personal decision. But a very important one and one that can't be put off any longer.

I honestly don't understand why people are so hesitant to become saved, born again, or saying the prayer of salvation. If they understood what peace and calmness it brings to a person I believe people would be leaping over one another to get to the front of the church. I DO! I sometimes think that people if they accept Christ they will go blind or their big toe will fall off. I don't know? I think they think some body part is going to fall off of them and never grow back! HaHa!

A life with Jesus is nothing but AWESOME! I have panic attacks, not bad but I have my "times". I have suffered from 2 really bad panic attacks that sent me to the ER. Those were real bad, well I let them get that way. I feel so bad for people whom suffer with those kinds of attacks multiple times a day. Anxiety is truly horrible.

I think the worst part about panic attacks are you truly think you are having a heart attack, and the EKG says that your heart is fine,  and then you feel like a phony because you know you feel like you're dying. So right then is a double whammy! BOOM!!!  You are anxious and humiliated at the same time. Panic attacks are fear based. But you all know that. If we could get over the fear then we wouldn't be anxious...DUH!

I'm here to tell you that the fear is the devil and the cure is the Holy Spirit. Jesus died on the Cross for our sins, our family's sin, and for our children's sins. The most important thing right here and right now is to get right with Jesus and accept Him into your heart by acknowledging that He is The One and Only God and that He died on the Cross for Your Sins. Ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins and to help you to know the difference in wrong and right. Ask Jesus to live in your heart, In Jesus's Name, Amen.  By the Blood of Christ you are clean (forgiven)

A pastor at our church told me this today, he said, "The devil is a diva, and even when you are rebuking him, you are thinking about him". How brilliant was that! I've been going through some personal things myself and I have been waiting about a month to speak with this pastor, and today was the day. God is Great!

Taking Out The Human in Being "Human Beings"

You just don't know what is going on in someone's life. Especially in the world today. We base people's lives on a split second picture on Facebook. We think that if a picture shows a family smiling and laughing together then they must always be like that together. Then the devil puts those thoughts in your head of, "why can't my family be like their family"? And you're basing that judgement on that one picture, not knowing what was going on before or after that photo. We have put unrealistic expectations on our lives and can thank social media and the devil for those self depleting thoughts.

I think social media has broken up so many marriages it's unreal. I don't have very many friends, but I can tell you of the couple I do have, social media like Facebook and Snap Chat, have had a hand in the demise in their marriage.  And no one seems to pick up on this direct link? I don't get it!?!? If you know you are fighting over social media then delete it! But we are so addicted we would rather kill our marriages then our link to the outside world. What is that saying about us?

We have lost all sense of social skills and would rather "post a comment" and consider that communicating. A post is what we consider a real conversation with a human. We would never even think about calling someone on the phone! Having a real live phone call instead of a text message! That is why I think our marriages and families are falling apart. We have no idea how to speak with people face to face or even over the phone. We don't know how to have a conversation anymore without thinking someone is "taking up my space". We have taken out the human in being a "human beings".

I was trying to have a conversation with Mike the other night and he would NOT put down his phone. It was so frustrating. All he was doing was looking for cars for our daughter. Like a car was going to pop up in the 30 minutes we were talking? I had to tell him a good 4-5 times to put down his phone. Finally he did, but geezzzz! WoW! So that short 30 minute conversation ended up being a lot longer because we kept having to pause for him to put down his phone. His phone is like a security blanket. I tell my daughter that she replaced her thumb for her phone, and I truly believe that. But I'm just as bad when I go to bed. I love playing on my phone before I go to sleep.

Before we can even think about putting our phones and social media down we must first admit there is a problem. And that my friends is going to be a problem. People are addicted to social media and their phones. This has become an epidemic that no one wants to claim. I understand that electronics are helpful, I get that part. It's only when social media is abused. That's when it hurts others. Just like any other drug or addiction. Social media is an addiction that has been abused, and children and families are the victims. Maybe we need to have a SMA (Social Media Anonymous)? If it will keep our families together it needs to start.

Gossip..."Snakes in the Grass, Better Step on the Gas"

Have you ever been a victim of the dreaded "Gossip Circle"? I think everyone has been once in their life time. I'll tell you it can literally kill someone. I'm going to take it a bit farther. I believe it kills the very people that are the "Gossipers".  Honestly, the only reason someone gossips is so they don't have to look at their own life and how miserable it is. If the Gossiper speaks about other's lives and how crappy their lives are then they get to reflect off of their lives and concentrate on others. But this is not in a positive way, it is in a harmful and hurtful way.

But for some reason Gossipers always have people around them. They have tons of "friends". I think there is 2 reasons behind this. One is because they always have the scoop. And people always want to know what is going on. They don't care if it is true or not, it's just "what they heard". People hang around the Gossipers because they are like that "TMZ" TV show, but without the celebrities. It's people they know, which makes it even better. The second reason people hang around the Gossiper is because they want to make sure he/she is not gossiping about them. It's that old saying "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer". This pretty much sums up that whole saying.

So how does one handle being the victim of gossip? Then how does one handle being face to face with the "Gossip Circle"? Let's take the first one...How do you handle being the victim of gossip? First off, it's hurtful and it will break your heart. Because the people you thought were your friends will turn their backs on you and judge you right when you need them the most. So not only do you feel abandoned by your friends, they are all talking about you...to everyone...but you! The Lord said our tongues are wicked and He was right.

So with that, I say you always go to The Lord. Ask God what is true and what is not. Ask God to help you handle this with His Grace. Ask Him what is in your control and what is not. Because sometimes the gossip is not always completely false. I hate to say that, but no one wants to be judged. Gossip is not ever going to be completely true, but there could be a hint of truthiness to it.  Maybe there is something you could do better, and maybe not.

God wants us broken.  Sometimes being in that "Gossip Circle" and having your friends turn their backs on us is exactly what we need to be broken. That is exactly what we need to get right with God.  If those "friends" turn their backs on you in times of need (like mine did) maybe they weren't friends to begin with, and you really aren't out anything. They are really just doing you a favor by stepping out of your life now?!?! No one needs or deserves people like that.

How should you handle yourself when you are faced with being asked to partake in a "Gossip Circle"? This is what I have done and still do. When I worked I was confronted with this woman who just had it out for this other younger lady. So one day the older woman decided to tell me how the younger lady allegedly went out with this other man at work (a single guy) and blah blah blah. No big deal, especially to this married older woman. So I told this older woman, "I'm going to ask "so and so" if this is true". The older woman didn't know what to do. But I did. It caused a bit of a commotion. But so did the gossip!!! I was never asked to be part of her "Gossip Circle" again and the older woman had this unspoken respect for me.  I just won't allow it in my presence and it was known.

I don't have many friends. I have one true friend (outside of my family), I used to have lots of friends. But I don't find comfort in numbers. I find comfort in quality. I have been friends with my 1 friend for almost 20 years and we are always there for each other. We don't judge each other and I can honestly say she is my sister in Christ. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. But my family is first in my life. I believe that blood is first and foremost.



"Snakes in the Grass,  Better Step on The Gas"

I Can't Keep Up With Him, But I Can Take Care Of Him

My husband works like a dog. I mean I honestly think he works in his dreams. And it makes me feel so guilty because I don't have that same energy or drive to keep up with him. But I don't think I'm supposed to. I believe that is the way that God designed us. Men are supposed to have all this energy to care for their families, we now call it ADHD. Women are to be calm in taking care of their family at home. I know that I have written about this before, but I believe so strongly about this.

Mike is on vacation this week. And his "vacation" is doing side jobs in 100+ degree weather. And I can't thank him enough for it. He's taking care of his family this way. I bring in money every month also, so before you tell me to get a job....there is a reason for this....

       Back in February, 2011 I fell on the ice backwards in our driveway. Mike and I were fighting over who was going to go get the mail. It was better that I fell than him because he is the "bread winner" of the family. I was working full time at the time as a freight broker and I loved my job...Loved it! But that fall that evening caused my brain to jar loose and hit the back of my skull. Which caused me to suffer a massive concussion, 3 days of amnesia, and finally on the 4th day I woke up with the worst headache ever. Mike took me to the ER for scans, no bleeds thank God. But that is when I started loosing the ability to walk, talk, and my short term memory. I had to go through physical therapy and occupational therapy. Then about 10 days after my accident I was laid off, I got that call during one of my physical therapy sessions. I had to keep a notebook with me at all times to write down my daily chores and check them off after I did them. For example, showering. I would forget if I did it otherwise. This went on for over a year. 
     Let me tell you what kind of support I felt I was getting from my husband at the time of all this. NONE! This is when we were in "that house" and living separate lives under one roof. We were just going through the motions of a marriage. But inside we were each dying to be loved by the other. He didn't understand what happened to me. I can't even image what Mike went through to go from having a wife that was the "Life of the Party" to having one that could hardly speak or walked funny.      Then when I looked fine on the outside, the inside was not working. I felt Mike didn't understand. Maybe he was hurting also? I felt very pushed by him to go get a job again. But I couldn't, my brain didn't work like it used to. It still doesn't. But that isn't to say it doesn't work better in different ways. So now I'm disabled. I have worked little part time jobs, and am currently looking to start that up again.
     BUT! If that accident were to  happen now (with the way our marriage is now) I know the communication and support would be so different. I want to think that we would take care of each other instead of taking care of ourselves. Mike is not the person he was 6 years ago. And I know I'm not that person I was back then....haha. But I back to my main point....

Men are supposed to have ADHD! Thank God they do! Those ADHD boys are ones that grow up to become men that are the best providers. I find it is mostly the single moms that are trying to drug their little boys with legal meth...adderall. It scares me to think how passive and lazy our drugged up boys will grow up to become. But parents don't care because they don't "have to entertain" their children.

I can't keep up with Mike but I can make sure that he is fed and his clothes are clean. When I get to take care of Mike the way that God intended for me to...we have a balance. But Mike sometimes has a hard time with this. He is the one who wants me to go out and get a job. But I love cooking, cleaning, and caring for my family. And when I do work outside my house my family falls apart. And I Do bring in money, but not enough for the way that we are living. So we have to make some decisions. But in my defense...even if we lived "within our means" Mike would still do side jobs and work like a dog. That is just him and that is what I love about him. And I know he loves me staying home (I've done it for 22 years). I think total I worked maybe 2-3 years full time and it was hard and Mike was in school full time so he was home. It was always so important to Mike and I that our children stay out of daycare. And they did! Praise God!

Dear Lion, You Are My Strength

Dear Lion,

I wanted to write you this letter to let you know publicly how much I love you. You are an amazing man and yesterday in therapy I think we saw each other for the first time in a long time. Today I have been in prayer asking God where did our marriage make that turn to start falling apart. And I think I know where. It was when we bought our last house. That was such a mistake and I now finally understand when you say that you work so hard to give me the things I want.

I feel like I have been such a hypocrite.  We fight about money and you spending too much time away working. And then you come back and say it the "working like crazy" is for me. "To keep me accustomed to the way I'm used to living." And then I would come back and say I have never asked for anything....and blah, blah, blah. Then it escalates and no one is listening to the other and I get "Big" and you go "Small".

Let me start by saying,  "I am so sorry"! I might not have said I wanted those things I do believe I "wanted" that house. I do believe I said we had to have it because of our growing family. And I believe that was the start of our demise. Of course good things happened in that house, but so many bad things happened. It was just a really hard time for us.

I'm so sorry for pushing and/or making you feel pushed into getting that house. It was a mistake, we both made it though. (I believe that would be the only "rewind button" I would push in my life) You had to have felt so much pressure in your life, both at work and at home. Then I started doing my sports and ignoring you. I had a hard time balancing family time and sport/race time. But you weren't a good role model for me then. You always picked work over us. So I took your lead and picked racing. Even though every time I was away from my family racing, all I wanted was to have you there. It wasn't fun racing and training by myself or with others.  We started that you have your friends and I have mine. Completely separate lives.

I don't want to be the "Life of the Party" anymore. I was giving people my energy that didn't deserve it. I know that sounds ugly, but I grew up.  I'm very picky about who I bring into my life. Maybe because I've been burned, maybe because the trials our family goes through, seems like on a monthly basis. It's almost embarrassing.  But look at you.... you don't need me to be the "Life of the Party". You have completely come out of your shell. You can totally hold a room...you really don't need me to do it for you anymore. I just wish you knew that.  You are my Lion! You are my Strength!

We both won and we are both one. Get it?!? You "hunted" me down 28 years ago, but I also got the King of the pride. Remember that!   I love you so much and I'm so excited to see just BE in this moment right now with you.

HE IS HELPING ME MAKE IT RIGHT!

Sometimes in order to move forward you must go back. I don't mean live in the past I mean really try to see how your decisions impacted the lives of others. I seem to be on that kick right now. I don't know why, maybe I am going to die soon, or maybe it simply means I'm just growing up and getting real close to God. I tend to go with the real negative first like dying, but that is just me. I have to work on that, my daughter points that out to me all the time.

I wish I could parent like this when I was younger. I am a "grown up parent" now. I could just kick myself for that. But to be a parent it takes 2 people. And Mike and I were not in the place we are now. We were too wounded and trying to control our own environments. We were too self involved to understand that we were hurting our children. And our children had to suffer, not that they were beaten and abused. They were never asked "WHY" they were acting out, instead they were just punished. And it was so important for Mike and I to be right as "parents" that we forgot that our children were people too.

Our house was one big power struggle. That is how I would say our environment was, but we still loved each other like crazy. I stayed home and was there, but not present. I was always distracted. I used to be a triathlete and after that ended I got sick. It took years for me to recover. I would go to the hospital all the time. The kids would come home from school not knowing if I was going to be home or if Grandma was going to be there. There was never a constant in our house.

No one really ever knew their role. There was always a fear based feeling lingering around. We really didn't want to step up and be the parents, completely. We only parent single-handedly, so our wisdom was never meshed together. I could only parent as much as I was raised with, and same with him. We never came together to be a team in this parenting thing. If we weren't so mad at each other (without even knowing it) we could have had the household we have now.

I could dwell on that, because that is where the devil wants me. But instead I'm going to praise God for what I have here and now!!! I asked God to forgive me for my sins of the past. I have handed over each sin to Jesus who is hanging on the cross just to take on those sins. That is the whole reason Jesus die on the cross! Jesus wants us to hand over our sins to Him while He is on the Cross so we don't have to be burdened with them anymore.

I have asked The Holy Spirit to help me make it right with my family. And you know what?!?! HE IS!! HE IS HELPING ME MAKE IT RIGHT!!! I am still in the process of making it right with each one of my children. I have a lot of things to make right and own. It's humbling and humiliating, and at the same time freeing for everyone involved. But I just give that to God. Love comes through, and you just feel God's Love healing through the humble words you are speaking to your loved one. God is almighty and the mighty Healer. He wants my family healed, so I'm letting Him lead me....

Who's Really The Babysitter?

I was outside and along comes a beautiful little yellow sparrow with just a touch of black markings on its back.  It made me wonder what God was thinking when He created that little guy. What was the meaning of this little yellow sparrow?!?! Or what was God thinking about when He created birds in general? Why in the world I would I even be thinking about this?  I have no idea, but before the little birdie showed up I was thinking about the sermon I listened to yesterday.

I want to start by saying I love the church we have been going to for over 5 years. But I see a shift. The church is growing, and growing fast, and I would hate to see our pastor fall from grace. It happened with the church we went to before this one. But that is not what this is about. This is about how birds are "animals" but they cannot be mistaken for any other animal out there. A bird can't be mistaken for a monkey. So why did God make it that way?

The sparrow is a protector, and the color yellow is hope and joy. I will take that! So I looked even more into what the Bible says about birds. All throughout the Bible birds were part of miracles. They were used as teaching tools, along with sacrifices to God, and God even fed His people with quail. Even though He didn't want to.

God wanted to keep His people vegetarians. Israel lived a long time in Egypt and they were eating their food. And that meant Unholy meat. God provided a miracle by providing manna. It was a "bread" and it fell from the sky everyday to provide food for His people. It wasn't enough because of their time as slaves in Egypt and they wanted "meat". So God provided, reluctantly, the least harmful meat. And you know what that was? It was quail! That is a bird! Moses, with love and frustration told them,
"Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew to you today" (Ex. 14:13). 

I like the idea of how in some species of birds the mates stay together forever. There is no such thing as divorce. But there is such thing as a cat, unfortunately. But both the male and female bird take care of their babies until they leave the nest. I think our "species" can learn a thing or two from the birds! Each bird knows their responsibility and does it, because if one doesn't their babies will die. I think a part of our children die with divorce, infidelity of parents, alcoholism, addictions, gossipers, and so on. We need to give our children enough to help them survive but not over do it and not under do it. There is a happy medium. It starts with respect.

It also happens when families allow the parents to get their proper roles back. Moms need to be home with their children. Their children will never get the love they need from a stranger...and I don't care if you know the babysitter! It's not YOU!!! A baby, A Child, A Teenager....needs a parent home taking care of them. Children learn manners and responsibility from their parents. And being a parent for 2-3 hours in the evening is not BEING A PARENT! YOU ARE THE BABYSITTER!!! Sorry! But it's true!

Dads need to step up and take care of their families. You don't always "Love" your wife, but you made that commitment to God that said forever. People are so lost now, it makes me sad. When we can take lessons from a bird on how to be a family and be responsible then there is something wrong. Or maybe that is exactly what we need to do!

Maybe we need to look at the mighty eagle. I'm going to leave you with Deuteronomy 32:11-12 the Lord is compared to and eagle.  That is a very powerful statement! I want to be an eagle! Don't you?

11“Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,
         That hovers over its young,
         He spread His wings and caught them,
         He carried them on His pinions.

12“The LORD alone guided him,
         And there was no foreign god with him.

Calmness Creates Chaos

It's been awhile since I've posted. It isn't because I don't have anything to say. Just the opposite actually. It's because my youngest daughter overdosed. It was a suicide attempt by overdosing on my anxiety pills. Luckily for us I'm on Hydroxozine, which is basically Bendryal, and she was unable to overdose on that particular drug.

This has been a much awakening in our family. It was painful leading up to it, and it was devastating going through it, but we have felt comfort in our healing through God. The healing that Mike and I have experienced and are still experiencing through God and therapy is creating a calmness among my family. And within this new calmness a chaos has developed within our children. I don't want to say that our house was full of fighting and hate, it wasn't. We love each other, and are very close to one another. But there was a lack of respect for one another on everyone's part. But it starts with Mike and I. And that respect wasn't there, and I would say that we just started respecting each other.

Our precious daughter has a hard taking responsibility for her actions.  But I believe that is because she was taking the blame for everything that was going wrong in the house. Then, if she had to add her wrongs too....she would overload. And when Mike and I started "owning our sh$!" she didn't know where she stood in the family. So she felt lost and un-needed, or worse unwanted. And that just breaks my heart knowing that a person that I love so much would ever feel that way.

The TRUTH is, she is a child of God. And she is Flawless no matter how "dirty" she may feel. She is only responsible for herself. When we pray to God we don't ask God to forgive someone else's sins! NO! We ask God to forgive us for our own sins. You are only responsible for yourself, your actions, and your words. Angry is not a great place to get stuck, but we choose to stay there. If we can choose that then can we choose to be happy? I think so!


I would like to thank Mike for leading our family through this tough time. I have thanked him and told him so many times how proud I am of him. You are a true Godly man and one of those rare strong family leader!  I'm truly blessed that God led you to me. I love watching you minister to others and to me. When we pray together I feel indivisible, which I know we are. I will love you forever ever and always.       

So What If You're Like You're Parent?

So when I started this Blog I stated that I was going to be "raw" and real. It has been real easy to reveal Mike's short comings, but not mine. If I look back I have wrote about what we have discovered about Mike. That is not saying that we have done wonders in our marriage just learning about him. He is an amazing man, and I'm so blessed to me married to him.

I'm at a place in our marriage that I can say, "I'm so blessed to me married to him" and truly know what that means...and believe it! I KNOW that I'm blessed to be married to Mike. He has never quit on us,  through all the addictions we fought, the losses we have had, and still he's able provide for us. That is his love language, service. And even though mine is touch, I have to stop being so selfish and childish to see his way of loving me. Because if I do, I would see his working almost 7 days a week is his way of showing the amount of love he has for me. What a dummy I have been!

Mike breaking his back to provide for us is his way of "loving" me. Where he went wrong was his unwillingness or inability to learn my love language. But instead of taking time learning it, he kept busy with working to provide. Then he became bitter because he felt like an outsider in his family. Then I would get mad because he was gone providing, so I would continue to keep him out of family decisions. It was and can still be a vicious cycle. It is real!

We all come with some baggage from our past to the marriage. It's a sure thing! What we need to do is figure out which parent you take after. We need to accept it (whether you like that parent or not) and fix what you didn't like and enhance what you did. I finally figured out I'm like my Dad. That means I can be my "Angry Dad" too. I would get explosive mad like my Dad. I would yell and I could go from 0 to 100 in anger in no time. It had to be a scary thing to see. I know it was when I saw my Dad do it when I was little.

I had a lot of fun growing up in Youngstown, OH. But I was sort of afraid of my Dad. He had a bit of a temper. My Dad would be nice for awhile and then something would go wrong and he would explode. We would be getting along for a couple of days or so but I would always have my guard up.  I knew he was going to turn on me at any minute. I knew that the good times wouldn't last, and that always made me sad. When he would come home on Thursdays from traveling all week, if the ice cubes weren't made he would be pissed. If the stereo in the dining room was too loud I would catch a beating.

I asked my parents about the fighting and they blamed me for it. They said it was because I was mouthy. They said I probably deserved it.  Right then I had to make a choice to forgive them because the anger from the past was only hurting me.  I love them, and they didn't know any better. When they were raising me they were freaking out.  Because my oldest sister went down a dark path, and they connected me getting mouthy with my sister's antics. Honestly, I believe it was PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  They were worried I was going down the same path my sister went down. And that would simply destroy my Mom & Dad. So if I choose to look at the past fighting as "miss directed wrong kind of discipline" then it's not so scary. And they are back to my loving parents.

It took me a long time to figure out I act out like my "Angry Dad" when I'm mad.  The one thing that I didn't want to happen. The one thing I didn't want to be. The one thing I would never want MY children to experience. The one piece of baggage I would never want for my children to carry. I have created it in my household. To realize this was not the best of days. It's such a disgusting self feeling and there is no soap that can wash away that funk! But I do know that the feeling that my family has when I act like "Angry Dad" is 1,000x worst.

Boy was I humbled! But the great thing about being humbled is...that is when God can do His best work. That is when God can get in the nook and cracks and really heal. Because think about the word humble and the opposite of it...proud. When you hear the word proud you think "straight up, strong, tall, mighty" and don't leave out, no cracks. Or at least they don't think there are...because they are proud. Now think of the word humble...think of a bowl of oatmeal. And now think about how the brown sugar melts on it. How it can get in the nooks and cracks of the oatmeal. That is humble.

I have since made it right with my older children. I've apologized for my behavior and explained them how completely wrong I was. I have made a choice not to be that person anymore. I don't want to be out of control of my emotions, ever. I don't want to cause another person feel bad about themselves. I am choosing not to be that person. I don't want my children to come to me and ask me why I hurt them and then me blame it on them. I want to own what actions are mine.

Some say the "it was your fault" thinking is due to a "different generation". But I don't believe that at all. Are you telling me that I love my child differently than a woman whom gave birth (the same way I did!) back in the 1920's? No I don't believe that one bit! I believe that we love our children the way we wished our parent's loved us. So for example, when I was growing up my parents really weren't into my love life. Which made room for bad boyfriends in my young life. But I'm totally into both my daughter's love lives. I'm so afraid they will make the same mistakes I have. So yeah, "Different Generation" nah, just learning how to love a little better with each generation maybe?

What Does Peace Look Like To You?

At Peace! What does that mean to you? I have been in therapy with a couple of different therapists until I found Darrell. When I went to him I decided to "get my money's worth" out of therapy this time. I was going to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may. Honestly, I don't know if it was me deciding that or if Darrell is really good at tricking me. So I'm going to just chalk this one up to me. haha

I remember in one of my very first sessions with Darrell he asked me what I desire most. I answered, Peace. He asked me what Peace looked like. I had no ideal! All I knew it was a word attached to a feeling that I wanted. So we explored that more and it took months for me to find out what Peace meant to me. But I know now.

Today our 17 year old dog, Boo, is dying. I don't have the courage to take him to the vet and put him down. Plus, he's not in pain, he's just really old. And for the last 3 days he hasn't been eating and today I just know that he is slipping. So I have decided to care for him at home. I have wrapped him up and held him none stop. I'm praying over him and talking to him. I feel like he is part of our family and I don't have the right to choose when he dies so I'll just make him comfortable.

Boo and I were outside on the back porch and I'm praying over him and I asked God just please take him. Please give me Peace, Holy Spirit. Just then a peace over came me like you can only explain like relief. Like that feeling of grasping something too tight and not realizing it. Then loosing up your grip only to find your knuckles to almost throb from the blood pumping back into them. Then giving yourself that chuckle of "why was I gripping so tight?" chuckle. You know the one!

That relief feeling when the Holy Spirit sends Peace to you can be explained like when you make your face turn red and then release it and you can breath again. And that calm feeling of oxygen flows throw your body. That is what the Holy Spirit is, that is what He provides...Oxygen to your Soul!

I used to go to my imaginary safe spot in therapy which was the woods. Now I don't have to rely on myself to go to the woods in my mind. My safe spot and Peaceful feeling doesn't have to be me working on it, all I have to do now is ask for the Holy Spirit to "Give me Peace, In Jesus's Name, Amen." And instantaneously, I will be at the peace that I have so longed for.

So when I think about the question now, "what does peace look like to me?" I looks like me bowing my head in the middle of a tornado and asking the Holy Spirit to protect me and give me peace. And I WILL be protected and given that peace I need at that time.

Jesus sent the Holy Spirit down here on Earth to help us with our everyday lives. Sure Jesus is with us, but why not ask on Someone Whom is closer. It's like having a Supervisor and an Executive. If you are a Customer Service Rep. who are you going to go for with questions about your job for immediate answers? Not the Executive that really has no idea how to answer phones on the daily. You're going to ask your Supervisor. I'm not saying that Jesus is above the Holy Spirit He's not, but I am saying this to try to explain the lines of communication

All Three; Father, Son, and Holy Ghost make up the Trinity and therefore are all God. It's like multiplying 1x1x1=1 instead of adding 1+1+1=3


Dedicated to Boo Bear, You will always be in our hearts and noses. We love you!