Dear Lion, You Are My Strength

Dear Lion,

I wanted to write you this letter to let you know publicly how much I love you. You are an amazing man and yesterday in therapy I think we saw each other for the first time in a long time. Today I have been in prayer asking God where did our marriage make that turn to start falling apart. And I think I know where. It was when we bought our last house. That was such a mistake and I now finally understand when you say that you work so hard to give me the things I want.

I feel like I have been such a hypocrite.  We fight about money and you spending too much time away working. And then you come back and say it the "working like crazy" is for me. "To keep me accustomed to the way I'm used to living." And then I would come back and say I have never asked for anything....and blah, blah, blah. Then it escalates and no one is listening to the other and I get "Big" and you go "Small".

Let me start by saying,  "I am so sorry"! I might not have said I wanted those things I do believe I "wanted" that house. I do believe I said we had to have it because of our growing family. And I believe that was the start of our demise. Of course good things happened in that house, but so many bad things happened. It was just a really hard time for us.

I'm so sorry for pushing and/or making you feel pushed into getting that house. It was a mistake, we both made it though. (I believe that would be the only "rewind button" I would push in my life) You had to have felt so much pressure in your life, both at work and at home. Then I started doing my sports and ignoring you. I had a hard time balancing family time and sport/race time. But you weren't a good role model for me then. You always picked work over us. So I took your lead and picked racing. Even though every time I was away from my family racing, all I wanted was to have you there. It wasn't fun racing and training by myself or with others.  We started that you have your friends and I have mine. Completely separate lives.

I don't want to be the "Life of the Party" anymore. I was giving people my energy that didn't deserve it. I know that sounds ugly, but I grew up.  I'm very picky about who I bring into my life. Maybe because I've been burned, maybe because the trials our family goes through, seems like on a monthly basis. It's almost embarrassing.  But look at you.... you don't need me to be the "Life of the Party". You have completely come out of your shell. You can totally hold a room...you really don't need me to do it for you anymore. I just wish you knew that.  You are my Lion! You are my Strength!

We both won and we are both one. Get it?!? You "hunted" me down 28 years ago, but I also got the King of the pride. Remember that!   I love you so much and I'm so excited to see just BE in this moment right now with you.