GOD DID!

This next post might make some of you very upset. But God has put it upon my heart to write this. It's about sin. And I know how you all feel about this word. It is such a convicting word. But this is about being a quiet victim and sin.

There are times in our young lives when something offensive happens to us. I'm talking about young like when you can first start to remember things. Or should I say when you choose to remember things. But there is a time when you have been mistreated almost to the word of abuse by someone and chose not to tell anyone. Or if you did that is a whole other story.  I can only speak for the ones that didn't tell because I am one.

I was sexually abused one time when I was around 3 years old and chose not to tell anyone out of fear. That was a sin a had to carry for 42 years. People are going to think why is it my sin because I was the victim. But you see by me not telling I was giving into fear, which is from the Devil, that action was a sin. That was the fear I had to carry which turned into more fear, which is all just more sin. Fear = Sin, Sin = Fear

By me not telling anyone I allowed the Devil to win. By me not telling I allowed that person to continue on with his abuse. Which in turn was probably many more little girls. I wasn't able to love myself the way God had intended. I wasn't able to allow people to love me correctly. And because of that I allowed some very bad boys in my life. I believed I wasn't worthy of anything better.

God one day showed me this abuse because I put it out of my memory. I had to relive it. I feel so bad for my little 3 year old. That poor little girl was so scared and in so much physical pain. God helped me understand that I needed to ask Him for forgiveness for carrying that with me. For not surrendering that situation over to Him. I asked God to forgive all who participated for they didn't know that night was going to affect me my whole life. They were just thinking of the here and now.

And you know what, I truly meant this prayer. I didn't want this memory anymore. I want God to carry it from me. God Did! I don't need any psycho therapy or anything like that. Which is really amazing because usually people need that. I know in the past I would have. God took it from me and I'm healed! I'm truly healed. I don't want to go back to the way I used to feel with that sin, (and many more) so I ask God daily to forgive me and show me anything I need to ask for forgiveness for.