I Wear Black Because I'm..."Blindly In Love With God"

A couple times in therapy the topic of my choice of clothing has come up. I wear a lot of black. I mean a lot. Pretty much only black. But I know how to put it together. I have many years of experience as a personal shopper. I look appropriate, I promise.

But I prefer to have black on and I prefer for my upper body to be covered. I don't mean headdress and veil, I mean I don't wear sleeveless shirts. I like my upper arms to be covered at all times. My arms have always been an insecurity for me. Even when I was a triathlete and had 11% body fat, I still thought my arms were fat. (That is my own demon) They weren't, and probably aren't now, but I feel that way.

So I prefer shirts that are 3/4 sleeves or right above the elbow and I don't like low necked shirts. That is just me, I have always been that way. I guess the word for it is modest. I don't like shorts, I wear crop pants and I hate jeans! I can't drive that point home anymore than that....I HATE JEANS!!! They are so uncomfortable and confiding.

My pants are 98% of the time black, solid black. If my shirts have a print, it's either stripes or polka dots. Thinking about it I have to laugh at myself, because if you were to look in my closet that is honestly what you'll see...stripes, dots, black, and white. But what does all this mean?

Mike and our therapist seems to think it means something!

But here's my take on it, since it is about me....

I think me wearing black all the time is about feeling humility and growth. It's about humility because I don't want to to be the center of attention anymore. So maybe I feel that wearing black will help me be in the background. Kind of like how hairdressers where black so when they are cutting your hair you're concentrating on your hair and not their outfits. Hairdressers are to be in the background while they are taking care of you by cutting your hair. God Bless Hairdressers.

I believe my place in life now is in the background now.  Something changed with me after 1/5/16. When I came back from Heaven, God blessed me with things that people, pastors, and family just doesn't understand. And I have a hard time accepting that. Because I want to be accepted.  I am wanting to follow what is socially acceptable. But instead I have decided to completely and blindly following God... Maybe that is reason why I wear black, I feel like I'm "Blindly In Love With God".  

The growth part is, I wore pinks and blues when I was a child and in high school. I'm not that person anymore. I really feel that way now. This year I have been through so much, and I believe that I have really grown up. And when that happens it benefits some people in your life and it takes away from others.

What I mean by benefit and take away is that I have grown up in our finances, our relationship, and my emotions. I believe Mike have really seen the value and worth in each other.

We had to revisit the past to see how we got to this point, and it wasn't always fun.

There were, are, & and will be great times. We had to go back to the night we met to realize why we picked each other. That was a turning point for me in therapy.

I remembered why Mike became my "go to guy".  I now see us growing old together.