It's such a sad thing that I have lost trust in Mike. He was the first and only person I ever felt safe with. I might have the record for picking abusive boyfriends. My past boyfriends hurt me anywhere from physical to emotional to sexual. Mike never did anything like that to me. Mike never wanted anything from me, he just wanted to "be" with me.
But that was 28 years ago. And oh my, how things have changed. Our family has been through so many trials and heartaches. My mom says the amount of struggles my family has gone through is not normal. But she always ends that with, "you amaze me at the way you just keep on going." Yeah, me too! My family did have struggles, but Mike and I were a team back then. There weren't any outsiders! The ones we vowed to God we wouldn't do, on our wedding day.
Our emotions have been flying all over the place. One minute Mike and I will be happy, and then the next we're at war again. We'll be talking about getting a divorce. It's been like this for almost 3 weeks. We have never disagreed this long before. But we are using some tools that we know have saved us in the past. It is God and prayer.
The one thing that is saving our marriage is God. Sometimes when we fight we will stop and pray together. We'll ask the Holy Spirit to help us, and He does. I know what you're thinking, "well, we could never do that because of his/her temper and there's no talking to him/her". This is something that has to be practiced and practiced. And one of you are going to have to swallow their pride and ask to pray together. And the other is going to have to have grace and accept the offer of prayer. Then let go and let God take over.
We pray together and Mike prays over me a lot. Today before Mike went to work we prayed together. I just had surgery 2 days ago and I'm having a reaction to the antibiotic. Yesterday I was battling a yeast infection (this is only my second one in 20 years) and today I'm vomiting blood. I thought maybe I should go to the ER, but Mike was mad at me because there was only $800 in the savings account when there should have been $1000. So he starts ragging on me about getting a job and how "since I won't" get a job we have to cut down our expenses. Which we know that. And I can't send him houses anymore from Zillow because it stresses him out. But there was no concern about the bloody vomit that just came out my mouth.
I'm completely exhausted and he's running late because he was busy looking at the checking account and scolding me about the spending. He finally realizes he's running late and asks me to make is lunch and dinner. SURE?!?!? So I did. While I was making his food he hugged me and said the sorry blah blah blah. But then Mike squeezed me a bit tighter and prayed for us. And for me that is so much better than an apology. He had a very stressful morning. Mike had to start a new chapter in his life. He had to stick up to that mechanic that I wrote about a few Blogs back. And Mike succeeded! Mike handled everything perfectly and he was able to get the bill lowered. Plus, the mechanic had grace! I am so proud of him!
No comments:
Post a Comment