We can't live in the past, even though some people do.

God is able to heal us. God is able to show us or at least one of us where our relationship went off kilter. I think we realized when ours happened. We were so young and newly married and new parents. We had  so much pressure on us and we didn't even realize. 

We were starting a family, just had a baby, going through an adoption, I lost a sister, and that is when our different identities started. I became the housewife and you became the breadwinner. Our lives didn't cross much, and we didn't see much of each other.  I started working nights for the benefits and you started spending our money on crazy investments. We started to emotionally sever then, and we never repaired it. We certainly didn't have the proper tools to fix anything back then, sometimes getting drunk and a night out with our friends. 

But now you are sober. You have been sober for 9 years! I'm so proud of you! And I'm not a big drinker, so we don't  have that crutch. The "alcohol crutch" to help numb us of our problems. We have to look at each other with clear eyes and learn to accept one another. We have to grow up and say, "Yeah, I did this or that and I'm so sorry". It's time we own the pain we caused one another. Because that same pain will create fear in us. 

I have to rely on the Holy Spirit to fill my heart and soul up every morning and throughout the day. I need to have God's love and acceptance of me to get me through my days. I can't allow Mike's mood (or anyone's for that matter) to dictate mine. I am only responsible for my behavior. And since I can truly only answer for myself I want my mentor, teacher, Father to be Jesus. I know I will have bad days like everyone else. But I have the key to making those bad days a bit easier. The Holy Trinity.